somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
