I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
