Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
