And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
