Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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