My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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