Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
the liver wants what the liver wants
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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