we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
