i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
