so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
