Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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