a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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