Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize