a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i've created a new STD.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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