I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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