why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
