I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
