this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
