He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am one with the molecules
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
