dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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