Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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