he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
