Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
