i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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