HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
