I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
