I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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