We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
