there's paper in my vomit.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
