He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
