look no pants
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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