Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
