Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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