saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She announced her abortion via fbk
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
