I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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