It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
