On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
