What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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