i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
