What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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