Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
