why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
