wrigley field is MILF paradise
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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