When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
