I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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