You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
