You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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