Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my liver is dry heaving
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
