well I can't set my house on fire every night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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