Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
