Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
